Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I am not a Hater

I’m not a hater.  I believe in God’s definition of marriage.  I believe that no matter what you do or what laws you pass, whether it’s in the name of freedom or equality, that God, the creator of the Universe and all that is within it, defined marriage as between one man and one woman.  I believe that since the beginning of time man has tried to deny God’s existence by making our own rules, by fulfilling the desires of our flesh. And that fleshly desire is defiled by heterosexuals the same as homosexuals, by going against God’s design for our lives, by thinking that we know better than the one who made us.

I do not believe that disagreeing with you is hate.  It is simply not agreeing.

I also believe that whether or not you acknowledge that God even exists, He does.  And I believe that there is power in the name of Jesus, power to save.  May each of us come to a true knowledge of the one living God.  Knowledge of His love for our very souls, for our heart, and that His rules are not to keep you down, to repress you, but to set you FREE!  

Monday, April 8, 2013

Work Lessons

It was barely a week after "the big let down", as I call it, and my dad had me up on the roof helping him to re-roof the house.   I was hauling those huge bundles of shingles up a ladder and laying them down for him to nail.  Now that was work.  Real physical labor. It was that labor, sweat and muscle, that got me through one of the toughest times of my life.  

That type of physical labor is still what sustains me when I am running on empty.  When I say, "God I need you", He usually meets me on a walk or a hike, at the end of myself, when I am physically exhausted, He is there.  When I can no longer run except into His arms, there He is waiting.  And He waits patiently too.  He knows me so well, it is the Lord that says, "Go for a walk," because He alone knows where that takes me...straight to Him.   

I have come to end of myself mentally as of late.  Work has been a daunting reality that takes up every moment of each day.  Because even when I am at home, I am preparing for the next round.  Sometimes I can't even remember my name, seriously.  My mind has been stretched in a hundred different directions all at once, yet my body craves the physical exertion that will calm and sooth my mind.  

Today being another one of those days.  One of eight days remaining in this round.  I thought when I awoke that that fact alone would be enough to get me through, but it was not to be.  Again the Lord took a walk with me and showed me how caught up in the world my mind was.  And it was through that quiet time with Him that my soul was soothed and refreshed.  

These next few days will be crazy, then it will be over until next year.  There will be tears, there always are when overwhelmed, but the end is finally in sight.  Praise God for seeing us through and for knowing what I need.  For making a way and being there the whole time.  

Monday, March 18, 2013

A  day with my baby, hiking the back country of our beautiful San Gabriel mountains.  I have a love for the Crystal Lake area that I can't describe nor contain.  Maybe it's the time spent here as a kid, maybe it's the time spent here as a young adult.  Then maybe it's just the sheer beauty of mature pine trees, squirrels, gentle breezes and God's glory at its best here on Earth that make my heart sing. This place has it all and its where we spent our Saturday.  It took us two hours to walk the 2.5 miles from the parking area to Windy Gap.  Two hours uphill with nearly 2000' gain in elevation.  But it was worth every step.  Even today as my body is stiff from yesterday's exertion, my heart is still relaxed and singing of the joy felt as we reached the top.  Looking up toward our destination we could see snow still clinging onto the ridge.  Once we arrived, looking north, there were still plenty of snowy patches hiding from sunlight, in the shadow of those beautiful pine trees making its hold on spring, reluctant to see winter come to an end.  Plenty of cool strong gust of wind blew past us at the ridge refreshing body, mind and soul.  As it came time to head back down I understood all too well why the snow hid in the shadows.  Maybe if I hid away somewhere I too would never have to leave this place.

But my life isn't that of a snow drift, I have family, a husband, a daughter, a job...the job, that's what has me wanting to stay.  The job, the stress I am today escaping, awaits me on Monday.  Yet today is today, the day the Lord has made, for me to enjoy, to refresh in the rest of His Almightiness.  And the day the Lord has made also.  A gift of another kind.  Provision.  A chance to serve and share the Love My Lord has shown me.  If I were to stay I could declare the wonders of God and cry out with the rocks, that'd be glorious.  Yet, God has given me my job as a blessing.  An opportunity to love and share and bless in return.

We head down heart happy body tired and sparked with new drive and purpose.  Ready to hit the world head on, ready to bless.  God's opportunities are never far away, in fact for us they were waiting back at the parking area.  Lord you never cease to amaze.  First you ready my soul then you hand me a chance to give back.  Almost as if asking, "How much did you really learn?"

I hope I did not fail you Father.  Your blessing are so immense I never want to squander what you have for me, for other's who cross my path in life. Thank you for the chance to enjoy, bask in your Omnipotence, and then the moments you afford for us to give back by being of service to another.  Thank you for time with my baby, thank you for sending me home a more peaceful hearted wife, a gentler soul having met you on the mountain top.  My face always glows for a few days afterward reminding me of when Moses spoke to you on the mountain and your bright glory, unable to be looked at head on, made his face face shine.  That is me today, tomorrow and prayerfully forever, body, mind and soul.  Help me Lord to hold onto your promises throughout my week, to be a blessing, to share your mighty works, this beautiful life and your wondrous Son.  Amen.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Moving Day and a Shift in Our Daily Routine

This past weekend we moved our baby into a college dorm.  What an amazing experience.  Yes, I cried!  Her dad cried too.  More than a few times we were moved by the change that was/has/is taking place in all of our lives.  You fear that the right decisions will be made and you counter that fear with trust in God.  You trust that she's in His capable hands and that she knows her maker.  You trust that she is being molded by Him, our beautiful Lord and Savior, and through trials and mistakes her strength and bond will grow with our Redeemer.  You fear the world and it's pull on young untrained minds, then you remember who brought her to this place in her life.  It is only through much prayer and leading of the Holy Spirit that we made the decision to live on campus and where.  It is only by the grace of God that we have financially been able to handle the cost.  Where God leads, He provides.  It's a lesson we are all in the midst of having firmly bound in our hearts.  Thank you Jesus!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

My Weekend

California in January

This was our weekend.  We didn't go away, we were actually just a little ways from home.  We took a two hour hike Saturday and then after church the three of us drove for about an hour and took a four mile hike. I love living here.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Thank You

I finally feel like this chapter of pain and healing are coming to a close.  Thank you Father!  Notice I said this chapter.  I realize another will be just around the corner and that will be fine too.  The lessons learned through this season are too numerous to count.  Yet they were incredible.  We have learned to lean on the Lord more through this then any other time or trial in our lives.  The trust built in our relationship with God our Father has deepened.  That alone would have been plenty, but He is so good to us.  We were blessed with dinners, help with our bills, prayer and hearts that truelly cared.  Thank you everyone of you.

I am sure that in the course of our lives we will be reminded of each blessing, each lesson.  God has a way of building our hearts stronger upon each trial.  They aren't just random happenstance with no meaning.  Even for those who don't believe, it's still God who is leading your life, calling your name, waiting for you to see that He was there all along.

I've been back to work for two months now.  Just last week me and my baby took a hike that I haven't been able to even look at for almost two years.  Walking through the mountains, the towering pines, I felt like I was finally back.  Able to move and do the things that I love so dearly.  All praise to my wonderful healer!

What's ahead?  Been working out and trying to get back to my before weight and it seems to be going pretty well.  I am bound and determined to get back to 'me'.  My goal is 20 pounds and as of last Saturday I had lost five. 

We have a wonderful new kitten, her name is Xena.  She was dropped off at hubbies work while I was off work during the summer.  We nursed her back to health and when there were no takers my beautiful husband asked if we could take her home.  So that's where she is.  That entire situation was another blessing...  I had this whole in my heart after surgery.  I was trying to ignore it, but you know when you physically can't have babies anymore you feel kindof empty.  It really stinks.  I was beginning to wonder if I needed to talk to someone.  Then this little furball was dumped off and I spent on hour or two everyday at his work just being the momma to this little orphan.  I prayed for her health and thanking the Lord for this cute little distraction.  It was perfectly what both of us needed and God knew it.  So she came home.  Guess we got a baby afterall.

Until next time...count your blessings, you'll be surprised at how much God has seen you through lately.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Our Dreams and God's Plans

Lately our lives have been an emotional rollercoaster punctuated with tremendous blessings.  You see, when me and the hubby got married, like most couples, we wished to add to our family.  Though before our wedding we found out that I had a fibroid tumor and that pregnancy would be difficult if not impossible until it was removed.  So for the last two years we have prayed and searched for an answer.  The tumor proving to cause much more then a hinderance to our plans.  With it came pain and large amounts of blood loss. 

Last year it looked like we had the answer to at least part of the problem.  We had read and investigated a new procedure called fibroid embolization where a Radiologist can decrease the blood flow to the fibroid and since it would not have anything to feed on and grow, the bleeding would be back to normal and the fibroid would shrink and die off.  That was in August last year and seven months later I was still having the same symptoms. 

In April we went to the doctor after our last updated sonogram to talk about removing the fibriod (myomectomy) or having the same embolization procedure one more time in the hopes of being able to have a baby sometime  in the near future.  Our hopes that day were dashed with a doctor who not only didn't recommend either procedure but said he would not do it, said I needed a hysterectomy but without clear communication as to why.  So our search to understand what has happened inside of me took another turn as we sought out people who could explain the sonogram reports and recommendations to us.

After speaking to several different doctors we knew that this last doctor had been correct we just hadn't understood why.  It turns out that my fibroid is about the size of a large grapefruit and my uteris is enlarged also.  And with where it is positioned in relation to where I would carry a baby, its really not a good idea.  We did have a wonderful reconstructive surgeon tell us that he could remove just the tumor and (serious, I didn't know they did this) reconstruct my uteris.  But that it would be a lot of down time, alot of blood loss during the surgery and with no guarantee that I would be able to get pregnant much less carry the baby full term due to the injured area.

They gave us percentages for different scenarios and we all know that God doesn't need percentages, rather just for us to get out of the way.  We do feel that this is where He has directed us.  We prayed to be healed and this will heal the problem.  With it our plan's are changed and replaced with God's plan instead.  So we are waiting for them to call with a surgery date for me to have a hysterectomy. 

It is with a heavy heart that I write this yet my heart is overflowing with the joy of the Lord.  Let me explain...our lives are filled with hopes and dreams.  We start off in new directions asking the Lord to bless them, not knowing in what way that will be.  We have prayed and family and friends have cried and prayed out to the Lord, our wonderful God, for us to have a child of our own, to add to our family, to share our love with.  And it would appear that even before we started on this journey God knew that our plans were not to be.  That doesn't mean He doesn't love us, but I know that my God is a great big God and that if He has closed this door, there is another waiting wide open for us. 

We have seen God bless each step of this journey.  With friends who are willing to give of their time to explain "doctor talk" to us.  Parents who just show up when they are needed the most, not knowing why, just following the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  Doctors willing to talk to us until all of our questions have been answered even giving us direct lines to call if we have questions after we leave (who does that any more).  Prayer from so many people, even some prayer partners that I have never met.  Hospital bills being reduced to very managable sums.  And simply the partnering of other couples, Pastors and their wifes, other Christians, family, and friends willing to remember us in their prayers.  We have felt everyone of you.

So as the tears fall for those dreams that are slowly fading away, they are replaced with dreams that I don't even know yet.  You see, we have a beautiful daughter who is about to enter her Senior year in high school, who's life has slipped by us so quickly .  We have children at church that we love, adore and teach once a week.  We have a new neice that is just barely a year old with newlywed parents who could use help taking care of her.  And we have each other and all the time in the world to fall deeper in love with as we get to know each other more intimately. 

If I found out tomorrow that I was pregnant would I be happy?  Overjoyed is more like it.  But I wouldn't forget what I've learned along the way.  Nor, will not being able to have a baby with my beautiful husband take away the awesome gifts that God has bestowed in our lives.  I mean, can you believe it, I am actually married to my best friend.  It really doesn't get any better then this, at least not on Earth.  Besides, Tov says that maybe we can afford to go see the 24 hours of LeMans Race now!