Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I woke up this morning feeling crudy. My whole body feels like its been run over by a truck. I have less then a month before my procedure to shrink the fibroid tumors in my stomach but my mood this morning was bitter. My belly is swollen, my back hurts, my legs are killing me and my attitude stinks. Not the kind of blog you want to read is it. Its not the kind of truth I want anyone to know about me either.

I got mad when I opened the freezer and icecubes fell everywhere, even madder when I opened a new package of bread only to find it was already opened and needs to be returned to the store. Then I just chucked it. A few minutes later my husband walks out of the room to ask whats wrong and I tell him I'm having a bad day, that I'm sick of bad days and he just holds me and loves me while I cry. And I realize God is holding me, letting me release all the pent up stuff, getting me to a point that I can once again bring it to Him and leave it there. Tov wasn't mad that I was acting like a child, he just wanted to make it better, and he did. Just by being himself and loving me.

I was able to go out on the patio with my bible and my book "The Power of a Praying Wife". I sat and prayed for my attitude, for my pain. I prayed for forgiveness and thanked the Lord for the beautiful morning I didn't even see a moment before. I prayed for God to help me to change today, I know He doesn't want to see me failing so easily, that I am to rest in Him and this morning I was falling. And yet He loves me anyway. Does it really get any better than this? It does, on top of His provision and Love and support and the people He uses everyday in our lives we have the promise of heaven. Of living forever in His presence.

What was my problem this morning? I can't even remember.