I woke up this morning feeling crudy. My whole body feels like its been run over by a truck. I have less then a month before my procedure to shrink the fibroid tumors in my stomach but my mood this morning was bitter. My belly is swollen, my back hurts, my legs are killing me and my attitude stinks. Not the kind of blog you want to read is it. Its not the kind of truth I want anyone to know about me either.

I got mad when I opened the freezer and icecubes fell everywhere, even madder when I opened a new package of bread only to find it was already opened and needs to be returned to the store. Then I just chucked it. A few minutes later my husband walks out of the room to ask whats wrong and I tell him I'm having a bad day, that I'm sick of bad days and he just holds me and loves me while I cry. And I realize God is holding me, letting me release all the pent up stuff, getting me to a point that I can once again bring it to Him and leave it there. Tov wasn't mad that I was acting like a child, he just wanted to make it better, and he did. Just by being himself and loving me.

I was able to go out on the patio with my bible and my book "The Power of a Praying Wife". I sat and prayed for my attitude, for my pain. I prayed for forgiveness and thanked the Lord for the beautiful morning I didn't even see a moment before. I prayed for God to help me to change today, I know He doesn't want to see me failing so easily, that I am to rest in Him and this morning I was falling. And yet He loves me anyway. Does it really get any better than this? It does, on top of His provision and Love and support and the people He uses everyday in our lives we have the promise of heaven. Of living forever in His presence.

What was my problem this morning? I can't even remember.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!


Never doubt His love, His strength, His power.
Never go a day without His guidance, without seeking His face.
Would you go a day without telling your spouse that you love them? Exactly.
Take the time, its well worth the journey.

Yesterday a woman passed away. The few but profound words of her husband have changed me.

I have known and loved Jesus my savior for about eight years now. Of course He has loved me all along and kept me out of more trouble than I could come up with by myself. Not that I didn't try really hard; but that's another blog.

Her name is Karen Stewart. She is Pastor Jeff Stewart's wife from Calvary Chapel Pomona Valley. I only met her once when she spoke at our women's gathering at church. She was beautiful and vibrant and shone of God. You could see it in her eyes, the windows to her soul. She spoke about the hard stuff we all go through and how God uses all of it to win our hearts to Him.

So when I read that she had passed on yesterday I cried, but not because of the family's loss, because of their gain, because of Pastor Jeff's words: "...we just sang Karen into the arms of Jesus..." how beautiful! All I could think was that's how I want to go, worshipping my creator who I will meet any moment. That's how I want my parents and Tov's parents to go. I want to be standing there singing them into the arms of our wonderful Lord.

I've given thought to this before. It never struck me as it has this time. I feel like...I'm ashamed to say it...like I finally get "it". I feel a renewed spirit in my life. Yesterday the Lord had Victory in a believer's life and it has lead to victory in mine.

Thank you Pastor Jeff and Karen Stewart. Your face in the midst of adversity has changed me and I am sure coutless others. I pray my life can effect another in the same way.

I just reread my post from October of last year. It ends with being excited to see the next chapter in life. And that chapter so far is a wonderful one. I haven't written in a long time, not for lack of things to share, I just haven't had the time.

God is moving so much in our lives. He's teaching me to wait on His timing, a lesson that I am very greatful for. I'm learning to be happy with what I have and not to covet more. Which honestly hasn't been hard. My goodness, He has given me so much and I am so undeserving and overwhelmingly praisefilled for. This man that is now my husband has taken on the role of father and husband with such care and deligence. His love for us overflows in everything he does. Even when working overtime he takes time to come home and have dinner with us, even though that means working longer. We cry together and pray together, we hold each other and love together. I have never felt so taken care of and warm and secure. To the Lord be all the praise. He has formed this man into one extraordinary husband and father.

My baby girl (yes, she'll always be my baby) has adjusted so well too. You can see that she now has security too. She adores her dad, loves to share her day with him, even when she's knows she didn't respond right in a situation at school, even in the midst of trying to cover it up by making light of it, still she opens her heart because she trusts him with everything. Her heart has flourished and grown in the past eight months as she has experience the love of an earthly father that she could only pray for in the past. Again, all glory to the Father. He has answered above and beyond what either of us could have ever prayed for. And we prayed, believe me. Chrystal prayed for Octavio specifically to be her dad and God answered. Lord you are good.

Thank you Father for being the author of my life, no one could've written it better. Please bless others as you have my family and bring them to a point where their sight is not hindered by the darkness that life can bring. Father, may we all focus on your love and light and shine for all to see. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen!

This is a story I receive from a group we belong to called "Christian Surfers". This young man's story made me cry and made my heart swell at the same time. Praying it does your heart the same and more...


12-28-09

Micah Ramsey's Message

Another New Year is around the corner. In 2010 what will be your focus? Where will your priorities lie? Take your lead from 15 year old Micah Ramsey (who takes his lead from Jesus). Micah has been battling Ewing’s Sarcoma – a rare and aggressive cancer. His words were published on the front page of his local paper and are repeated here.



“We as Human beings were created by God to worship and glorify HIM. It is what we are designed to do. God also has had a plan for us since before we were born. Apparently one of His plans for my life is that I am to fight cancer. This is so that I can glorify and serve Him in some way. I don’t know what this way is. What He is doing, I’m sure, my simple mind cannot fathom. God is all-knowing and I am not. He is going to be GREATLY glorified through me fighting cancer. Not because I’m some great person, but because He is a great, mighty, and totally awesome God. God has my life in His hands, and He can do whatever He thinks best. I know this sounds like the best “churchy” answer, but I want you to know that this came straight from my heart.

Yes, I am not comfortable, I hurt, I’m not sleeping very well, but God is doing what He needs to do through my life. People are being drawn closer to God through this; His will is being done. That is the most important thing right now. I will endure pain for Him; He has endured the ultimate for me. The Lord is working through all this and HE WILL BE GREATLY GLORIFIED!!!!”

-On Dec 10 Christian Surfers sent an email to Micah to encourage him that his story would be going around the world through CS and that it would bless and challenge many. His Dad said that it put a huge smile on his face and he said, "I told you God was going to use this cancer for His glory." That was the last email he read. On Dec 12 Micah went home to be with his Savior.

Moving day! In all honesty its been moving "week". I used to be able to do so much more. Now to avoid overdoing it everything is stretched out. Guess there's a lesson in patience there somewhere that I'm still struggling to get. Anyway, we spent last weekend painting. Just Chrystal's room and two walls in the dining area, a project nonetheless. I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to but we did it together as is everything in our lives now and that makes it special. But now as our date to be out of the old apartment approaches I am finding it hard to keep my eyes dry. I am definitely excited about our move, my life as a wife and mother, another chapter written by God himself. Yet, as I pack and remove photos off the walls I can't help but remember all the other chapters written here that make us who we are today.




Chrystal and I have been in this apartment since she was five (ten years). She went to first through sixth grade across the street. I still remember the last day of sixth grade, I watched her walk across the street from the bedroom window for the last time. Oh, I cried that day. She was growing up and I felt like I had missed so much already. She learned to swim in this pool. I still have it marked on the calendar the day she swam from one end to the other and the day she swam underwater to "touched the drain". When we first moved in she couldn't even touch the faucet on her own. I remember the day she said 'look' and I turned to see her hand stretching to show me she could finally do it.



We've had wonderful neighbors moved in and summers filled with playing down at the pool with everyone. Some of those same neighbors have moved out, all along promising to keep in touch. It never happens. Guess God has filled thier new lives too.




We were here when 911 happen. I remember holding her very tight that night, I think she even slept in bed with me when we could sleep.




We were living here when Tov and I started dating. In fact October 28 was the day that I told him I'd go on a date with him and today is the anniversary of our first date five years ago. Then the big one, just three months ago I walked out of this door a "Miss" and came back a "Mrs."




We've had broken teeth, a broken arm and a fall down the stairs here. We've had laughter and tears, arguments and forgiveness. So much love has flowed in this place. Christmas', Thanksgivings, birthday parties!




I had my back injury and two years off of work in this place. Two years with no income. Ten years as a single mom struggling back from a life of addiction and stupid choices, wanting more then to live for just today. And that was the one that got me this morning, I found God here. Through it all, He has been with me. Even in my unbelief He stood beside me. I still remember the day I believed again, I was in the hallway when I heard God speak and fell to my knees with tears streaming down my face in shame and then gratitude. And through this memory I realized that not only did Chrystal grow up here, I did too. The realization of how deep God's love is brings me to see how much I need and depend on Him. How the Lord alone has carried me all this time. And I can't wait to see how these next chapters unfold.

Winter weather, coffee good,
warms my insides like it should.
Starbucks counter near I stand,
with some money in my hand.
Quiver as my turn draws near,
cookies and muffins, I tremble with fear.
Just coffee is all I need,
my sweet tooth I shall not feed.
One minute then I'm free,
but a scone under glass my eyes do see.
Excape is useless from this crutch,
coffee and scone I love too much.